Category: General

Big Fun.

Morgan Avery

What a good fun weekend.

Started on Friday night when we hooked up with Wheezy & Karl, went to Turkish Cafe, I made the mistake I seem to make every other visit, which is to order the Karishik, it’s a bloody monster… Two huge piles of chicken & lamb, with rice, salad, and chopped up pita… I reckon I did pretty well, but there was still an awful lot on my plate. So next time I’ll order something more sensible, and the time after that I’ll forget about the gut busting splendour of the karishik and order it again, thinking something like "oooh, I am hungry with a big appetite, maybe it’s not as big as I remember."

Saturday morning, up at the crack of about 10.30, and off to pickup Dylzno & Mellanie, and their chubby little baby Harrison, then away to spend some time at the Food Expo, now I was in two minds about going, I’ve been to quite a few expos in my time, as an exhibitor, as an invited guest of exhibitors, and as a punter, though usually not as a paying punter… And I’ve pretty much never been impressed, the small business expo, for example, if complete rubbish. I don’t understand why anyone exhibits, I’ve been every time since it started, and I’ve never been terribly interested in anything.

Ditto with computer or big-boys-toys’ish shows… I’ve been to shows in Auckland and Sydney, and they’re just not that interesting.

So when it turned out we could only get one comp to the Food Expo, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t bother – after all, who wants to pay for the privilege of being bored & underwhelmed?

Anyway, it’s obvious from this build up that I actually enjoyed it. I liked trying a bunch of different wines, and we even ended up buying some (from Lincoln) and lots of cheeses, which again we ended up buying some of (some really nice imported feta, it’s super smooth and creamy).

Oh, and icecream. And chocolate. I was delighted that Leffe was on tap, disappointed that they had no Brune. I drowned my sorrows in baby octopus stew. And cashews. And really nice liquers from Bella Verde, I tried their limoncello, it was really strong and nice, but outshone by the feijola, which doesn’t seem to be available on the market yet, but which really is lovely. It needs to be mixed with something though, and I’m not sure what, ‘cos like the limoncello, it’s got a seriously strong alcohol flavour.

Oh, I got really tired of all the olive oil, I like to cook with olive oil, but please. Also, it doesn’t all need to be so strong and grassy. Ok, so it’s nice and fresh and artisan made in New Zealand, but so much of it?

One of my favourite stands was actually one of the simplest, the Kiwi Bacon guys were there, and you didn’t just get a little slice, you got a bacon sandwich, awww yeah. You know you want it.

Anyway, we ended up being there for a good 4 hours or so, and it was pretty fun, we dropped our friends off at their house in Mt Eden, and kicked off home, Claire needed a nap (she’d had more wine than me, by far) and I spent my time… doing I don’t remember what, probably wasting time on the internets.

Dinner time, and we went back to their place, I took Dylzno and we hit Bonzo for some fine fish & chips, TV was complete rubbish, so they broke out the Pictionary, we kicked their ass. Two wins to nil. Somehow I kept getting clues which required me to draw boobies. ( o Y o ). Aww yeah.

Sunday and we were both pretty tired, but Claire is never too tired to shoe shop, so we did a bit of that, then took George for a nice walk up the hill, Claire dropped her coffee, and I was mean. We dropped George back to Casa Del Pino. Then headed to Manukau Rd to look for some fabric Claire wants for a project, but ended up trying to find a bakery with a pie I’d be willing to eat, it wasn’t easy, so we ended up going to Burger King, which proved to be an adequate substitution.

For dinner Claire made another one of her (really, really really good) baked vegetable tarts, and some cool little cupcake sized pasties full of a lovely mix of the aforementioned creamy delicious imported feta, and handfulls of fresh spinach, dolloped into the pastry lined cupcake wells with an egg mix, broccoli, mushroom, and tomato. Aww yeah. Then topped off with a rich tomato relish, and accompanied by a leafy green salad with a respectful drizzling of balsamic and some shavings of a nice tart cheese.

Oh, I was mean (only a little bit, by my standards) about the coffee spilling because I’d just had to stand around in the cold, waiting for fifteen minutes, while she went and queued for the aforementioned coffee.

The biggest loser…

Morgan Avery

"Labour’s fortunes have dramatically reversed in the latest Herald-DigiPoll survey and it now leads National by 6.4 percentage points.

In the same poll last month, Labour trailed National by 3.9 points.

National overtook Labour after the May Budget, but with just over seven weeks to go until the election Labour is back to where it has been for most of the three-year term, in front.

Labour has risen 7.7 points to 43.9 per cent of decided voters and National has fallen 2.6 points to 37.5.

The popularity of Helen Clark as preferred Prime Minister has risen by five points, to 53.8 per cent. National leader Don Brash has also had a rise, by 3.3 points, to 28.3 per cent." — The New Zealand Herald, July 29, 2005.

Crikey, that was a sudden turnabout, wasn’t it. Unfortunately, we all know that things will change again numerous times between now and the morning of the 17th, but all I can say is… Well… I hope the trend is for a centre-left win.

Does anyone really trust any of the right-wing parties? How could you possibly? Don’t you remember the 90s? Ruth Richardson? No? How would you like your mortgage rate to be as high as it was under Rob Muldoon? Remember that guy? He was a right-winger – and a drunk.

The invisible hand of the market will throttle you to death, then neatly slice your kidneys out and sell them to the highest bidder.

Don’t believe the hype when ‘they’ tell you that Labour equates to a soft nanny state, look at the unemployment rate – how is it soft to get people back into work and off the dole? Oh, but it’s so easy on the dole, that’s why it’s so fucking wonderful that National is going to reimplement its already tested – and failed – work for the dole policy, which has been proven to prevent people from being able to get a real damn job. And halts the production of real new jobs. Wonderful, yeah? Awesome? No, wrong headed — and demonstrably so!

Oh yeah, and you know that nuclear free policy that so many of us are so very proud of? Remember "it’ll be gone by lunchtime," .. "Oh, but I don’t remember saying that," perhaps by teatime then, you prick. We can have corned beef and frozen peas, and an American imperialist cock driven up our collective arse.

"The biggest loser in today’s poll is Winston Peters, who has dropped eight points as preferred Prime Minister to 10.3, and his New Zealand First Party, which has fallen 4.7 points to 7.1. " — The New Zealand Herald, July 29, 2005.

Ha ha! They called Winny a big loser!

Now, I must confess to being a bit worried about who Helen will pass the torch to if she manages to drive Labour to another win, it seems unlikely that she’d want to contest a fourth election — again, assuming she wins this one, which is by no means certain — and with the politics game being the way it is, she’d be out of the job in a second if they lose (just like Brash), right?

In other news, today is the last day of the bandwidth month for me, so last night…

Big Fast Downloads, Awwww Yeaaah.

Film festival frivolity.

Morgan Avery

So the Film Fesitval finished on Sunday night, and I guess we watched the last movie, otherwise I don’t know why that guy was standing in front of the screen being boring and thanking people for their support before it started…

That last movie, Broken Flowers, with Bill Murray, was probably the best movie we saw, now it’s not like we went to everything, but frankly I’ve got better things to do with my time – a lot of the movies in the festival programme just didn’t look very interesting to me.

It’s the story of Don Johnston (no, Johnston, with a ‘t’), an aging lothario who is surprised one morning — the same morning his girlfriend leaves him, frustrated that he doesn’t want to marry and have kids — with a letter claiming to be from an old flame, telling him that their affair from 20 years earlier produced a son, who has left home to find his father.

Anyway, there is no name on the letter, but his excellent neighbour, who is obviously very keen on mystery novels, gets on the case and sets him up — really — for a journey around all of his girlfriends from around the same time.

It’s hilarious. And cool.

My favourite character aside from Don & Winston, was the lovely young lady in the florists, she was… Lovely?

Funniest, and most naked, would have to be Lolita. She was awesome. Awww yeah.

Third favourite character… Tough, but I’d say it would have to be Don’s tracksuits. You’ll see.

I guess this one is going to be in either wide release, or at least at the Rialto, so I reckon you should go see it.

Now, on Saturday afternoon we also went to the animation showcase ‘Animation Now!’, and it was pretty much the same as it always is, by which I mean there was a bunch of rubbish, but a couple of real gems.

The standouts:

Dialog, from the UK , which is about Mr Scientist who makes a tiny little town full of tiny little people. I didn’t think this was the right presentation for the story though, I think it would have made a good interactice piece.

Insomnia, from Latvia, this one was really really good, I thought. The story of a man getting some milk for his cat, before he sleeps with her, after she, er, turns into his wife. Really nice pacing, super good.

Populi, from USA, completely strange and cool. The animators construct a funny little man in a variety of ways – wood, paintings, welded steel rods, copper, etc, and send him on travels around the place, spinning and rotating and having a great time. You’ve got to see it — and possibly on the big screen — to understand how well this goes.

The very best, in my humble opinion, was:

Little Things, also from the UK, in my head I think of this one as ‘the days’, and it’s just… wait, I’ve used too many booster words already. Just take it from me, Little Things works, it tells a series of stories, ties them all together, and blows everyone up. Very fun.

The one I’m not really going to talk about:

Ryan, from Canada, this one won an Oscar last year, and I downloaded and watched a copy then. Sure it’s good, what do you want me to say?

An ejaculation of digital trivia…

Morgan Avery

Right, I’ve been saving up for a week or two, but I don’t really want to write too much right now, so you just get the key points and no jokes.

  1. Went and saw ‘Kung fu hustle’ on the opening night of the film festival, it was… Choice. From the same guy that brought us Shaolin Soccer — only better. Oh yes.

    So many of the characters were awesome, like… The fairy tailor… The loudmouthed (hur hur) chain smoking land lady. The scene where the landlord goes flying out of the window and tumbles spinning to smash into the ground, oh man, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

    Just see it.
     

  2. We went and saw ‘The Edukators’, this was billed as a cross between, uh, ‘Run Lola Run’ and something else, this is complete bullshit, it’s nothing like ‘Run Lola Run’ whatsoever. It was also way too long, and a ctually pretty terrible for a while there in the middle. When it was being good, it was really hitting the notes, when it wasn’t, oh boy.

    Booorrring. Especially the entirely unconvincing and childish argument the anarchists are trying to use on Hardenberg. Maybe all anarchists are childish and self-centred, I don’t know, I can’t say I’ve spoken to a hell of a lot of them. Do anarchists even exist?

    Oh, of course some moments were great and funny and entertaining, it was just that whole middle 30 minutes or so. Oh boy.
     

  3. I’ve finally managed to get Claire to come with me for Korean food, she still doesn’t really like it (except for Korean BBQ) but as long as she gets pancakes, she’s happy. We’ve eaten Korean about 3 times this week. Happy.
     
  4. Tonight we went and saw ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’, I think this is from the same people that brought us ‘Spirited Away’, it’s really good. Even though it did get a bit weird and Asian-style-incomprehensible towards the end there. (*spoilers* For example, why did she tell Calcifer to smash the castle to bits?

    I think Calcifer was one of the top characters, I also liked the sludgy men, and the doggy. (Of course.)
     

  5. Oh, I’m building a new website somewhere on the internet, if you find it you get no prize. Oh, but do let me know you found it. (Hint: the address is really really bloody obvious.) I’m mostly using the new site to build something completely invisible for a Quirk site, so I’m not doing much work on it that’s visible or for me, or entertaining, or whatever. (Actually, don’t bother looking, I’ll announce the address and function properly later on this week, maybe early next week.)
     
  6. I really want Labour to pull finger out, I don’t want a National government, Don Brash is an idiot, I couldn’t possibly face three years of him saying "aaaah" in his horrible cartoon character way. Also, hate John Key.
     
  7. I’ve got loads of work to do right now, very little of it for clients so it doesn’t immediately make me much money, but it’s almost overwhelming me, and I really want to get everything done — stuff like the new site, for example, which should be rewarding in a personal and long term way. But a pile of other things as well.
     
  8. Boobs are great. ( o Y o )
     
  9. Oh, last thing, and this one is really important, we’ve found the absolute perfect movie time drink. Get a ‘tall’ (or larger) cup of decaf white chocolate mocha. So fucking good. Starbucks, Esquires, even that place in Borders (Gloria Jean’s?), they’re all fine. Yummo.

    (We’ve tested this one 4 or 5 times now, and it is now and established fact that this is quite simply the BEST movie drink.)

Touch your own void.

Morgan Avery

No beer today.

Last night we went to an Auckland Film Festival movie called Touching the Void… It’s about a couple of brit climbers who got into a bit of trouble on a South American mountain in the mid 80’s fantastic story, excellent movie… That Boney M bit was genius.

But.

I don’t think I can face going to any other movies in the festival, as the Civic is simply the most shit movie theatre in the whole city of Auckland.

The seats are dreadful, and ruin the experience for me, when this is combined with the near flat floor, making for roughly zero good positions to sit when watching the movie, and the whole experience is very nearly ruined.

So, I recommend the movie, but if you ever have a choice between seeing a movie in the civic, and seeing it somewhere else, see it somewhere else.

We are… We’re not going to see Fahrenheit 911 atthe festival, we’re instead going to watch it at Rialto (I don’t know why they even have it on at the festival when it’s in general release so soon, probably because that fucker Ant Timpson didn’t get the rights for it and hold it up for years, dirty bastard), the seats at the Rialto are only slightly better, but the experience is massively improved. (For really good seats & theatre design go to St Lukes.)

Accomodation for the weekend has been booked, looks like we’ll be staying in National Park one night and skiing Whakapapa, then toodling over to Ohakune for a couple of nights and skiing at Turoa. Seems like a pretty good balance. Just as long as I get one of those delicious Red Bull & Jagermeister things from Schnapps while I’m in National Park. We’re staying in the place with the climbing wall, so I’ll have to try to convince the girls to give that a go — Claire was into it last time, but I’m not sure if Louise likes to do that sort of thing.

Broccoli Souperstar…

Morgan Avery

I guess that spoiler ridden TV fanboy rubbish from todays earlier post was pretty inaccessible for most of my readers, so how about I share a recipe with you? Ok.

We live pretty close to Eden Park, it’s just up the road, really… And as there was a Lions vs. Auckland rugby game on there last night we knew that traffic would be completely bloody horrible, so I told Claire that I’d make dinner for her, and head out to the market in the afternoon, so we wouldn’t have to try to travel on the roads in the evening (it can be really unpleasant, even on normal game nights).

So, I made broccoli soup, and it was good.

The Fixin’s

  • 2 medium onions.
  • 2 large taters.
  • 2 heads of broccoli.
  • Chicken stock / Oxo.
  • Wedge (or two) of blue cheese.
  • Grated cheese, 1 – 2 cups.
  • A little milk.
  • Salt & pepper, to taste.

That’ll make a lot of soup, enough for probably 5 or 6 people as a main, so you can make it with one onion, one tater & one head of broccoli very easily.

The Method

Chop the onions, not too small, maybe quarters, do the same to the taters, if you’re using smaller taters don’t chop or only halve them, you don’t want them to fall apart, so don’t make them small.

Strip any remaining leaves from the stalk of the broccoli, and cut off the dry tip, then just chop it all up (quite big) and drop it in a big pot with the other vegies.

Now pour in a couple of cups of chicken stock, or crumble two Oxo cubes over the vegies, then fill the pot with water, this is going to have to be a really (!) big pot, I used my awesome Chasseur 36, and it was really full once the water was in there.

Bring to the boil, and leave it on a nice boil with the lid on for a good hour, stir it every now and then, you should have any problems with sticking, but it’s best to be safe. Take the lid off after about 60 minutes and leave it on the boil, it needs to reduce a fair bit now, and will take at least 30 and probably 45 minutes, it’ll be right down to about half full when it’s time, just make sure there’s still some fluid left, but it’s going to be below the level of the vegies now.

Remove from the heat and allow it to cool for 5 or 10 minutes, you can now either start moving it in batches to a blender — that would be if you’re crazy — or you can whip out your stick blender and cream the whole thing up, add a bit of milk, it should be thick but nice and smooth. Once you’re happy with the consistency, open your wedge of blue cheese and crumble the whole thing into little bits sprinkled throughout the soup, one wedge should be great if you’re making a smaller batch, if I was to make another big one I’d probably use two full wedges, the cheese will melt nicely as you stir it through the still hot soup. Add a bunch of grated cheese as well, I guess we used about a cup and a half or two cups. Season it to taste with salt & pepper.

The Conclusion

As you can see it’s a very simple recipe which is really flexible, it’s also extremely filling and tasty — I couldn’t even finish a single (quite big) bowl, now I don’t know if I’ve told you the story, but I once ate not one but TWO "Diagnosis: Chronic Heart Disease" sandwiches for lunch!

Oh, definitely don’t cut out the blue cheese, unless you like extremely gentle flavours, you’ll really want the delicious tang of the blue cheese.

Lost Season 1 Finale, now with 100% more spoilers.

Morgan Avery

We watched the last couple of hours of Lost a week or so ago… Finally worn down by Claire – we’ve had all the episodes for (seems like) months, but I wouldn’t let her watch them, something about good things and those who wait, and instant gratification being for children, or something lame and self-righteous.

I’m serious, if you haven’t seen the final episode(s) already, don’t read this. If you have you probably shouldn’t bother, just kick it down towards the end, I’m guessing my own conclusions in the last few paragraphs, the rest of this entry is pretty much just a blow-by-blow of what happens through the last couple of hours.

*** THERE ARE BIG SPOILERS HERE. ***

I think the last thing we saw at the end of the previously aired episode was the discovery the Black Rock, yes?

Well, the explosives hidden in the hold of the Black Rock are some seriously sweaty and dangerous old sticks of dynamite, coated with gelignite, and just waiting for a shaft of sunlight, or a slight bump to set them off, and they were really playing up to this one — anyone else expecting one of the things to go off? Well, I’m sure we all were, but right then?.. *boomf* Poor old Hurley, now he has pieces of Arzt is all over him.

Speaking of Hurley, it was interesting for them to expose a new Flashback fact – he doesn‘t actually have bad luck, the numbers — or whatever — were doing everything they could to keep him from making the plane, and safely away from the island. He was just being too tenacious to be put off. So perhaps he isn’t the jinx he thinks? He’s is a hundred & sixty times millionaire, after all. So maybe the numbers were just upset that he was driving such a stupid big car?

So while Kate, Jack (who still has some Arzt on him, r d r r) & Locke are carrying a couple of bags with carefully wrapped sticks of dynamite to the hatch…

We’re back on the beach, where Danielle the Minbari is stealing Claire’s baby and bolting… Thank the bully that huge hero Charlie is around to save the day, oh, excuse, I was living in an alternate reality for a second – Charlie is still just a gigantic fucking moron. When is he going to stop acting like a child? So he goes berko and with — everyone’s favourite British-Indian-fake-Iraqi, — the hot and capable Sayid they go on a mad cross-island psycho-Croatian-fake-French-bitch-hunt.

Oh, oh, but we’ve got imperilled castaways elsewhere — the nutsos on the boat are really cruising off at a fair clip…

By the way, I’ve got to tell you, there’s no fucking way I’d have headed off on the boat, if they make it you’ll get rescued too, if they die you’re still "safe" on the island. Sure, I’d be happy to help build the boat, but… I’ll see you when you send help dudes, have fun with your rotten old fruit, salt-water and scorching sun. I’ll stay here on the beach eating fruit, pork & fish, and drinking cool fresh mountain water.

… Anyway, so they’re cruising off, Sayid set them up with a radar (which, BTW, wouldn’t work, it’s tied to the mast, so while the display clearly requires it to be rotating around, as you’d expect, it’s actually just pointing in whatever direction the boat is pointing, so they’d be able to see one point directly in front of them, I mean, if there was something to see). So there’s some drama with the keel falling off and Michael (aka: Mr. I’m a bad father with anger issues!) discovering that Sawyer is packing heat — and I’m not talking about his good looks — when he swims off and hauls back the keel.

Sayid & Charlie are still running through the jungle, Charlie is an unfit has-been rockstar junkie, so he falls behind a bit, but their path takes them past the fallen Beechcraft, and during a quick breather Sayid lets slip about all the – dun dun duhhhhh – heroin… Then they’re off again, and now our mate Charlie has a lovely new Virgin Mary statuette in his satchel, yay, Charlie, you’re not a pathetic weak-minded little criminal loser or anything, you’re a big hero! Good for you!

Our friends with the explosive backpacks are still trudging through the jungle, when something weird zoooots by and catches their eye… And it reall is a weird thing, we backed up the DVD to have another look… It’s like a crappy dart shape made of black smoke or shadows. I guess, if they try to explain it it’ll turn out to be exhaust smoke or something, but there’s just no way that’s possible if you look at it.

Shortly after that the ‘big monster’ comes back and starts smashing up trees, it looked to me like they were blowing upwards from underneath, so I’m continuing with my guess that it’s something underground, some crazy mining equipment or something stupid like that… Anyway, Locke gets grabbed and starts being dragged along the floor of the jungle towards a hole, with a sound exactly like a big ratchet pulling a huge clanking chain, I don’t know how anyone can possibly still think it’s a monster rather than people operating machinery.

Jack catches up and grabs Locke before he can be pulled down the hole, that crazy cripple asks tells him to let him go… He’s got almost a serene smile on his face, he says he knows the island won’t hurt him, it has other plans… Anyway, Jack ain’t havin’ none of that, so he gets Kate to chuck one of the greasy old sticks of dynamite down the hole, and they manage to get Locke free after theat slodes and they haul ass off to the hatch (very single minded, mmm?).

Chuckles Charlie & fake-British-Indian-Iraqi Sayid are approaching the pillar of smoke on the far side of the island from their ‘base’, and discover it’s nothing but a drum of (I guess) petrol or diesel or something burning away… There’s no one there. Then poor old fake-French Danielle appears with the baby, which is safe and well, and Charlie goes off at her, he really is a shit. The poor lady, in her stolen-child-fueled-grief had hoped to swap Aaron for her own son.

It’s night time on the boat and low and behold, but the radar has picked something up, but, oh no, it’s going away again, hey, how about we fire our only flare? Ok, let’s do it.

Locke & Jack wire the remaining dynamite to the hinges of the hatch and run a pretty long fuse off into the jungle… As soon as they light it Hurley spots his numbers engraved on the side of the exterior of the shaft and freaks out, starts shouting about the numbers and trying to kick the fuse to death, I was kind of expecting him to go the way of Arzt, but he gets tackled to the ground in time for the splosion…

Long story short, the ‘contact’ comes back and turns out to be a crappy little boat (definitely not of ocean going size) crawling with dirty men… And they abduct Walt, shoot Sawyer, and blow up the boat, leaving Jin & Michael in the water, and Sawyer somewhere under the water. Uh-oh.

… The hatch has been blown open, so our pals walk over and have a look down into the shaft, it’s long, and most of the rungs of a built in ladder have fallen off… So with them standing around the hatch staring down the shaft, we fade to black.

And that’s it, the end. Yay, thanks for tying up all those loose ends, you cock-arsed bastards.

Now, I think the guys on the boats are the decendents of the pirates — I think of them as pirates, even though I guess they were actually slavers? — anyway, they’re the sons of the slaver crew, and they have to keep abducting kids to keep their little population up. Hence Danielle’s baby and their attempt to get Claire’s baby Aaron as well.

I expect all the guys on the boat are going to be okay, the boat is fucked but it still floats, Sawyer was only shot through the shoulder and Jin will probably save his ass and pull him onto the boat while Michael is going nuts worrying about his newly stolen son.

I guess as soon as the new season starts in the states I’m going to have to start downloading it, as I now really want to know what the hell is going on — and how they’ll be able to rationally tie everything together.

Number one lesson learned: Next time I’m not pissing around, I’m just gonna watch the DVDs, it’s so much more enjoyable without all the fucking adverts.

In Which I Eat Skin.

Morgan Avery

Today — following yesterday’s adventures with pork — I decided to try and find some other wonderful form to enjoy, and I found it.

Have you ever wanted to have hot crispy microwaveable puffed up animal skin as a snack? Well, sweet! Me too!

Get thee to your supermarket, go to the microwave popcorn section and think positive thoughts, if you’re lucky they’ll also have boxes of microwave pork rinds!!!

Can you imagine a more Homer Simpson’ish snack to enjoy while watching TV? (Well, yes, they’re actually relatively low fat… You know, if what you’re comparing them to is pork cooked in a deep fryer.)

There’s actually surprisingly little in each bag, so it’s not like you’re gorging yourself, just try to forget that you’re eating skin. As a snack. Skin. From an animal. You know, skin, that stuff you have all over your body? This is the same thing.

Here is a photo of Eddie to take your mind off things, a few weeks ago she decided to take up Catarate in order to learn how to kick George’s ass… I caught a snap of her practicing her forms in the back yard, she’s pretty good for a beginner.

I hope nobody tells her I’ve been training George in Kung Pow for the last 3 years, she’s gonna get a big surprise when he uses his Invincible Fist Style. It’s going to be awesome!

Diagnosis : Chronic Heart Disease

Morgan Avery

Today I made a "Diagnosis: Chronic Heart Disease," it was delicious, you see a "Diagnosis: Chronic Heart Disease," is a new kind of sandwich I’ve invented, I call it that to plainly illustrate how very healthy it is.

I’m pretty sure it’s safe for vegans and Jews (I’m pretty sure the three different kinds of pork cancel each other out, right?). But I’m not sure about Muslims – I think Allah dictates that all sandwiches should have an olive stuch to the top with a toothpick. I guess that’d be called a "Diagnosis: Chronic Heart Disease (with bonus Halal olive)."

They say a picture is worth a thousand calories, I reckon this one must be worth 5 times that much.

They were awesome. I couldn’t even eat my dinner tonight. I was that full, just all day. I’m still full now. Oh my Bully!

Oh, if you want to make your own "Diagnosis: Chronic Heart Disease," here are the ingredients:

  1. Awesome delicious grainy bread.
  2. Spread of your choice (I used canola).
  3. American style mayonaise.
  4. Half a sausage (cut once length-wise)
  5. 2 slices of spicey salami.
  6. 1 & a half crispy rashers of bacon
  7. Fried egg.
  8. Aged cheddar
  9. Thick & Rich Watties Tomato Sauce.
  10. Optional: olive on a toothpick.

George could see I was distressed and decided I needed comforting. He’s such a sweet, handsome, love.

War of the Worlds.

Morgan Avery

Went and saw War of the Worlds on the megascreen last night, and let me tell you…

While this is an old (old!) story, which many people probably already know the outline of, I don’t want to spoil anything for the most super ignorant out there, selecting the blank bits below should reveal what I consider most likely to be spoilers.

*** There are spoilers here, if you don’t want to know what happens, you’ll get a face full of ruination! ***

I haven’t watched the old old movie for a long time, so while I of course remember the surprise twist at the end, I don’t remember much of the rest of the story, so I don’t know how much this diverges from the original… But so the fuck what? It rocks!

Amazingly, Spielberg manages to make the kooky Mr Cruise seem like a real guy, freaking the hell out, really confused and scared, and totally fixated on saving his kids from these monsterous blood sucking alien invaders.

He’s so human and vulnerable, I could sort of imagine myself doing many of the same things. Though I probably would have been straighter with the kids about the alien invasion they were fleeing from, with the death rays, exploding buildings, tripods climbing up out of the ground, etc.

Speaking of the death ray, that was by far the scariest death ray I’ve ever seen, what with the arbitrariness of it, the whole f’toomp thing, with the exploding body just leaving clothes fluttering in the air. That was… Awesome… Scary.

I guess I’m getting ahead of myself… The real coolness started after the storm (which was awesome in itself, but only due to the reaction of the characters, hiding under the table and so on) when our man Ray goes for a walk and finds his way to the cracked up intersection… I thought the whole crowding around thing was a bit strange, but fine… But when the tripod started to rise, slowly cracking the ground, and the nearby buildings, then when there was that big surge and the ground sort of collapsed and then jumped up again… That was really, just… Super awesome.

What a terrifying scene, as the crowd panicked and started running… With people not being picked off just for being slow, stuck at the back of the pack, but almost randomly no matter how fast they were running, no matter if they’d run to hide in a house or a shop… *f’toomp* *flutter*.

Now, a lot of other stuff happened, and you’ll need to watch it to see all of that, I’d just like to get onto the lame and the good now, rather than go through anything resembling a play-by-play…

The weirdest, most lame, most inexplicable character, I thought, was Robbie… Just what the fuck was wrong with that kid? I mean, he was fine when he was just a dumb teenager at the beginning of the movie, but what the fuck was he doing trying to jump a ride with the national guard? And why the hell was he all "please dad, I have to see it, I have to watch, let me go." I’ve got to tell you, I would have smacked him one and dragged him down the hill away from the artillery, soldiers & tanks on the ridge overlooking (what, Boston?).

Oh, but wasn’t it awesome when all the choppers arrived and started letting rip with their Hellfires, and the jets that blasted overhead launching their own tasty little missiles.

So, let me quickly sum things up.

  1. Characters: cool, except Robbie.
  2. CG: awesome.
  3. Sound design: awesome (that huge horn that the tripods used, I want one on my RVR).
  4. Alien ships: Scary. w00t.
  5. Aliens: The rear leg was a little bit strange, but on the whole they were very very cool. The CG really was extremely nice.
  6. Rocking?: You bet.

Oh, and I couldn’t help myself but have a gigantic bucket of Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha… Soooo good.

Bored with writing this now, gonna have me some rissoles.

Goodnight, nurse.