Author: Morgan Avery

You know how I never talk about seeing live music? Well, mostly I don’t like smokey loud rooms full of sweaty idiots jumping around, but this is different, in this case no one was sweaty, on account of everyone was sitting down.

Went to Odeon to meet up with the Claire, Wheezy & big Karl trio, watched The Bads, who are actually good, and a bit of Pine’s set, they’re also good, something fun and quirky about them.

Anyway, Odeon is a TERRIBLE venue. Maybe it’s designed for old people, but to me music enjoyment means STANDING UP, I mean, sitting down is for Opera and symphonic music, if you’ve got a drumkit and electric guitars, get up.

Also, soooo smokey, come along December, I’m thinking of going out and having a great big fat stogie the day before the smoking ban is enforced, just because. (After all, the only thin more offensive than cigarette smoke is cigar smoke.)

Oh yeah, still growing the beard, don’t know how much longer I can stand it. I’ll try to give it another couple of weeks, I don’t think I’ll keep it long term though.

RIP ODB. Props to the Eskimo’s and the submarines. And a shout out to the school teachers.

I’ve been growing a beard — only about 2 weeks so far, it’s at the itchy horrible scruffy stage most guys have probably experienced. But then I find this site so now I’m thinking about shaving it off, ‘cos those guys freak the fuck out of me.

Anyway, forget about the beard, what a big last month I’ve had I got a new pet, and she died.

Her name was Theresa Heinz-Weta, I saved her from dive bombing birds and George, presumably she was really sick already, otherwise I don’t know why a tree weta would be out and about in the middle of the day, I gave her a nice place to live, with shade, and food, etc, intending the keep her around for a week or so, then find a nice quiet tree to move her in to, but she died before I could do that.

She was a lovely girl, she liked to play chess (she was contemplative, but not very good) liked to listen to Brahms and Chopin.

Oh, I also bought a car… Mitsubishi RVR… The big problem was the Mitsubishi auto transmissions suck(!), so I got one with a manual tranny. I’m pretty happy with it, but I think I’ll have to get tints for the rear windows, there’s a lot of glass back there, so it gets really warm, and one of the rear speakers doesn’t work, and I don’t know why — I had a look, and the whole system is so completely bizarre that I have no idea how to fix it, the problem isn’t the speaker, the wiring seems to be crazy, it has a (really nice) aftermarket CD headunit, and I think it might not have been installed properly.

Ever have something you thought you shouldn’t, then discovered you were right?

We were out and about for an early meeting on Friday morning, decided to grab a McDonald’s breakfast, one of their promotions at the moment is a free giveaway of Healtheries’ Boost effervescent tablets, basically a Berocca competitor.

Anyway, this morning I thought I’d try one, dropped it in a glass, and as it was fizzing out had a look at the ingredients, and it turned out to contain phenylalanine (now, I’m not a phenylketonuric, but I do have taste buds, and a fear of this stuffs reputation (when isolated and used in large quantities, as opposed to when consumed in natural quantities)) and it looks like the phenylalanine comes packaged in a big happy bundle with Aspartame!

The thing about this is: Aspartame has been found to have a hell of a lot of pretty awful side effects, from headaches, anxiety attacks and asthma, to irritability, heart palpitations, vision loss, baldness, memory loss, (etc etc etc), but even going as far as brain cancer and death! So it doesn’t sound like something you’d want to make a part of your lunch, you know? Don’t forget who built this crap, the world renowned humanitarian organisation Monsanto.

Thanks Healtheries, but no thanks, next time you want something to be sweet, put some fucking sugar in it.

Oh, the really awful thing is: the stuff tastes NASTY. So, down the drain it goes.

So, to me it seems that poor old Christine Fletcher is starting to get a bit desperate. Feeling forgotten, she starts threatening lame-ass lawsuits left right and centre… Ok, maybe just Centre.

She still hasn’t realised that we don’t want her as mayor I would have thought the whole losing to Banks should have come as something of a hint.

Never mind, she seems to think, old Hubbard looks like he’s getting some publicity out of his lawsuit against NBR, so surely the same thing will happen for her, right? Right?

No, because she’s a lame.

Speaking of lame, and the NBR… I hope the truth about the NBR article leafleting proves that it did come from the Banks camp. I have a feeling they’re scum bags, so it’d be really nice to have some proof.

Big problem with Hubbard though, I just don’t have a really good feeling. He doesn’t come across well in the media, I guess it’s just due to his lack of political experience, he hasn’t got the polish.

I guess he’ll still get my vote though.

Bloody C&R Now aren’t getting any of my votes, but they sure are putting a lot of money into trying — personally address envelopes begging, in fact.

Until they stop being Citizens & White people there is no chance of my position changing.

Not that I think City Vision are super wonderful, but being pretty much Labour & Greens affiliated, they’re closest to my political position. Of the bunch, Cathy Casey gets a big tick, but truth to tell, anyone else who frees up the lovely doggies of our city will get my vote — even if it meant crossing over to the dark side.

Delighted to see Bruce Stockman on the list, he’s standing for council as an independent, we went to school together, he was always a very friendly guy, sounds like his platform is "I’ll listen to you once I’m elected", which is all very well and good, but I’d also like to know what his position is on several key points.

He might get my third tick.

I’m very pleased to see him there though, I harbour semi-secret ambitions of standing for council / community board / parliament / something one day. But not yet, maybe in 20 years.

You’d vote for me, right?

My platform will hinge on the mandatory bulldozing of lots of crappy new townhouses & apartment buildings (hello Hobson St), making lots of parks. Turn off all the traffic on several sections of queen street, making super pedestrian friendly green spaces, get some of that Taxi 2000 goodness going from Britomart up to K Rd, maybe looping along Ponsonby and back into the city. Maybe chuck a couple more loops in, perhaps going from one or two strategically located light rail stations and into the heart of lovely suburbia. Also, dogs are nice.

P.S. Hello greenies, I enjoy having you read my pages… Even if some of you are maybe a tiny bit crazy. I still love you. 🙂

It isn’t nice being an oppressed minority, just ask any dog owner, particularly in Auckland City – possibly the least dog friendly place in all of New Zealand.

Thank goodness the council has started to see a bit of common sense, starting to relax their dog control policies just a tad.

Under the previous system dog owners were given instant fines, sometimes in appalling circumstances — several I know of involved caring dog owners that were making the effort to drive their dogs, sometimes quite out of the way, to one of the few approved off-leash areas, then getting out of their cars in the carpark, and being snapped by the dog wardens lying in wait for them, because they let their dog walk off the lead from the car park, into the park – never mind that the car park was inside the park itself!

This was appalling behaviour – nothing to do with revenue gathering, of course, no, it’s a public safety issue, and anyone that disagrees is clearly a violent anarchist that wants to see your childs face eaten off.

From NZ Herald 21/09:

Carolina’s father John Anderson said he did not agree with the new system.

"Surely dog control officers can use their discretion, these are the very things that encouraged the incident against Carolina."

No, John, that’s the point, it was a zero tolerance policy! They had no discretion! The new system means less fines, and that’s okay with me, but I think it should go further, I think that it shouldn’t be a one warning then a huge fine system, it should involve intelligent and well trained dog wardens that can use their discretion as often as they like.

I hope this is just the start of the changes, not just with nice doggies, but with other fines based systems right across the board.

I’m not a revenue source for you (council, central government, police force), you’re my representatives, but only for as long as I want you to be.

Welcome to the mainstreaming of software piracy. I don’t think there’s any other reasonable conclusion when you discover major piracy sites with corporate sponsorship!

The really surprising part is that even though the site is international, the sponsor is NZ based – yes, everyones (as long as everyone is a stupid teenage shit kid) favourite crappy Telecom reseller Boost Mobile.

Hookup! (That is, proof.)

An experiment in inebriation, aka: how I learned to stop worrying and love the Spumante.

The long story: I was perusing the beer aisle in my local supermarket, when I stumbled across an old favourite: cheap, sweet, bubbly and wonderful, my old friend Bernadino Spumante. Instead of a beer review, tonight we have a drunkenness test.

The players: Me. A bottle of a Bernadino Spumante. A wine glass.

Method, have a glass, describe effects, have a glass, describe effects, have a glass, etc.

I guess there are probably 4 or 5 glasses in the 750ml bottle, it says 5.9 standard drinks in the bottle, @ 10%ABV, I believe it. It also says "preservatives added", no doubt. Instead of a cork it has a plastic stopper, once upon a time people sneered at anything that didn’t use a cork, how stupid we were, especially given the wine industries embrace of screw caps these days.

I feel some science coming on, so let’s get testing.

0 glasses.
Effect: none, driving is no problem, humour impaired, can’t play pool.

1 glass.
Effect: warm, the skin on my face feels odd, humour impaired, could drive, but generally I wouldn’t drive after drinking anything.

2 glasses.
Effect: Jeeze, I dunno, it’s really hard to define how you feel, thinking too much about things that generally just happen changes the experience. Anyway, feel much the same as after glass 1, but maybe that’s ‘cos I’m just knocking them back quickly.

I did feel a bit detached from my central nervous system a while ago, if that makes any sense.

I wonder if this will take long enough that I stop making any sense, I don’t think I’ll get anywhere near there from one bottle of wine. Maybe next time I should try a couple of bottles of scrumpy, or perhaps a dozen of some nasty cheap beers.

3 glasses.
Effect: I have to admit something, at this point I’ve complete ruined the science of this experiement, I accidentally ate some of my dinner. Which will no doubt have some effect on alcohol absorption and such. Couldn’t help it, perfect baked potato with sour cream and cheese, and a lovely teriaki chicken fillet.

I’m starting to feel a bit detached from my forehead.

I suspect that I could drive, but I wouldn’t want to try, and I have no idea if I’d be legal, I suspect not. (Meal not withstanding.)

I’ve also just made the decision that from this point I’m going to try to avoid correcting any typos I make, this should help to illustrate my manual dexterity as it detrioeirates, and damn but that word went bad. Deteriorates. Heh.

I have a great sense of well being coming on, it was quite sudden just now,m everything feels pretty happy, and smiles want to sneak out the sides of my mouth.

I should do experiemtns like this more often.

Another admission, I actually start writing about each glass before I’ve finished it, in this case before I’d even started it, really. I just finished the last of this glass. So the glass diviion system (division, heh) is a bit of a fraud, forgiveme dear reader. (and put another space i there for me, and that word was supposed to be "in".)

I just said to Claire "I’m doing science, hahahahahahaah, I’m not really drinking, hehehe" she gave me a funyn look, I’d say I’m strrting to be a bit impaired, she hardly eve rlaughs at my jokes, but she usually saves the disdainful looks for the bedroom. *chuckle*

This sense of wellbeing is not infectious, and there’s no way I’m giving any of my science to Claire. I need all of it for myself. 🙂

I’ve started smiling and looking only with my eyes (you know, when you track something moving with your eyeeballs only, not by turning your head), the sense of wellbeing is increasing. It’s good fun doing this. Did I already sy I’d ;like to do more tests (that’s "tests") like this in future.

4 glasses.
More food, sorry mr sciencre. Mr Science! I mean. 🙂

(MY fingers aren’t working so well now, forgive me.)

Tried to engage Claire in a conversation, techicnical in nature, about toll providers and how best to implement a new numbering system her company is currently testing. I did very poorlu. Poorly. I don’t think I can even undewrstand my point myself, so no difference there. (Hell, this bottle cost me all of $5.95)

This stuff tastes good. I remmeber now why I used to like this cheap sugary syrupy crap, quite apart from the cheapness, it’s quite nice. You don’t need a developed pallet, as you might with a nice chiante, or whatever., (pallette? palette? jeesh.)

Startred ranting about how soccer is all a have, and a girls game, and the closest they get to contact is when one of the acotrs falls on the ground and feigns and injury. Claire not impressed.

Now dripping in irony as a doco has now come on about alcoholism. HEh. Nice one Tv ONe. ("One for the road" on Inside New Zeala,d or something.)

Oh, one thing about rhe falvour of this stuff. I’m not fom… completely fooled, I can taste something distinctly jnon-fruity in there, noething that makes me think of sodium. Can anyone tell me what sodium tastes like thiough?)

Funyn line from tv "he seemed to have arms like an eagle", arms, ah, eagles fo… argh, eagles don’t have arms. To say a soccer player has no arms, or hss wings, or whatever, is not a complement, is it? I don’t thin he meant what he said. Think.

Damn. Typo hell.

Quite apart from the ey looking thing, I was just eye looking at the tv, when I also went ‘eyes unfocused’.

Van damme I’m a cheap drunk. Noiw IU’m watching Bridget Jones.

Made a joke about how ironic it is that the movie is brought to us by cadbury flake, got a funny look, I thought it was funny.

LAughed at a Lion Red ad, this is serious.

Goerge. That’s ‘George’, anyway, George doesn’t know what the fuss is.

5 glasses.
It would be better to not even remotely consider dirving t at this point. As the only place anyone would get in this state is proabbly into the emergency ward. Either that or home, but you know, that’s how drunks think, proably, and in drunken arithmetic, I dunno, is it worth it? I don’t think so, but I’m nto a drunk driving idiot.

To Goegre… George’s etenra;l eternal dissapointment I helped Claire finish her dinner, poor boy, I’m sure he wanted some of that lovely chicken.

Crap, disappointment. Wair, which is right? erluddy hell.

Speaking of drunken driving, my seemeingly endless search for a new car has been proceeding, drove a byunch of Fords, of all things, starting witrh a few Mondeos, which are really quite lovely cars, especially the Ghia variants, lovely electrically operated seast, climate control, and this and that, but yesterday we went and tested a Ford Taurus, seriously impressive, lovely big engine (3l, v6) super smooth, sounded great, very powerful and surprisingly quiet. Well appointed interior, and it looke pretty good (apart from the jutting out bumper thing), the guy had originally wanted 11k, but I offered him 6k and he took it, I got last minute jitters and told him I’d let him know in a couple of hours, headed home and jumped on the web to do some reading, what I found freaked the hell out of me, the car I drove was flawless, but there was SO much negative feedback for the model that I had to call him back and pass on the car. Was a very difficult thing to do, I must say. It was a lovaly car.

The Mondeo, by the way, is pretty good, known in some circles in England as the Mundaneo, due to being as common as a clitoris, in NZ we don’t have so many.

LTSA say the Mondeo is very very very highly safe, which is nice. Some of the feedback on the car isn’t super positive, but you never know. At some point I have to bit the bullet, and the seats and such of the Mondeo are very very nice.

Don’t want a bloody lemon, how long have I been looking for now, though? It feels like months.

5 & 1/3rd glasses.
Running very low on the bubbles now. Don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, IU think next time I’ll try a scientifical experiment of the human response to 2 bottles, or something. Not sure if I can stomcha the aforementioned dozen of nasty cheap beer.

By the way, STV really is a very good way to vote.

George is looking at me like he wants a nice cuddle, unfortuantely Claire has banned him from the soda. Sofa. Sorry George.

I’ve got to say, if I had $30k to spare, I’d so be looking at a Toyota Harrier. Damn it looks like a nice car. Actually, the current Nissan Primera wagons, and Toyota Avensis are pretty kick-ass too.

Anyway, the bottle is gone, to be frank I’m actually feeling ok. Not pissed by any stretch, walking around is completely normal and none stumbly, though I’d probably be well over the limit (as as I’ve probably already (preotesteth too much) said, I certainly wouldn’t even considering driving.

So that;’s the end of the real science bit, now on to trying to balance out thje dinner, I’ve decided I need to balance the alcohol absorbing nature of my chicken, potato4es and sweetcorn, with anothe r glass of wine. So…

6 & 1/3rd glass.
This isn’t Spumante, instread I’ve ressorted to the cask of "White" I keep handy ont he top of the fridge. This is 12.5% ABV, unlike the 10% Spumante.

It also tastes completely different, apart from the obvious additional alcohol over the palllette it also has a much bigger flavour, much less sugars left, making it much driyer, though of course it’s not rreally a dry wine, it’s just that the Spumante is so very veyr lovely anhd sweet. 🙂

Anyway, this still is actually quite un-nice by comparison, quite a claim that a $6 ottle of wine could be better than any other wine, really. I guess it’s just my mister islly tasebuds..

Conclusion.
Don’t drink a bottle of wine on a Monday night unless you’re a cool guy that doesn’t get hangovers. If you’re lucky enough to be a cool guy, go for it. 🙂 🙂

G’night.

Ok, full marks for spotting my chronological error on the previous post, I know it was the 24th not the 28th, and it’s been updated now.

Also, I’m not crazy, I’m not taking Soma, I’m taking Somac! Stop sending me weird emails now. I just have a gastric ulcer. I’m not part of some weird future society with bizarre enforced genetic stratification (and flying cars).

The car thing is quite exciting, I’m looking at another one next week, black rather than blue, and possibly no sun roof, but if it performs right in the test drive, I might snaffle it up.

I’m slightly concerned by the reputation of this model to have slightly weak transmissions, but I think I’ll just have to deal with the risk, and make sure I put all the preventative maintenance in that I can.

This is very difficult for me to say, but I’m now thinking about a buying an SUV.

Yes, I’m going to change your environment. I’ve always thought New Zealand could be a little bit warmer anyway, and just think of all those lucky people who’ll find themselves the proud owners of waterfront property in Mt Eden. We can have gondolas on Queen St. Maybe even Kayak to work along the North Western Canalway, or enjoy the whitewater rapids through Greenlane and down into Newmarket.

Anyway, the girl and I headed out for a weekend of test drives and good fun, and I’ve got to tell you, I was seriously impressed by a Mitsubishi RVR, and I’m kidding, of course, it’s more like a big wagon than an SUV, really.

It was very comfortable inside, the back seats have enourmous room, more like a limo than anything else I’ve been in, great big arm rests, clever cup holders (x4), all sorts of lights and little cubbyholes and such.

And the engine was so smooth, it was really nice. By comparison with the wagons I looked at, it was simply streets ahead. And compared to the Celica, which is so bloody low to the ground, it was delightful to get in and out of. It also had really great visibility.

I guess it’ll take a while for me to get used to the idea of being a 4WD owner – not that I actually am yet, but you know, it’s worth thinking about these things now, to see how I will feel.

I do pity those behind me that have their visibility cut down. And the poor fool that tries to cut me off now, what with the bull bars and all – I’m sure I told everyone what happened to the poor sap that cut me off coming out of St Lukes, and that was just a sedans standard bumper.

Also pity the fuel economy. Not as bad as some, of course, four wheel drive isn’t the most efficient way to get the power to the tires, it adds drive train inefficiency, and it adds weight to the vehicle. However, it is extremely grippy, as you might expect.

So, now I just have to find the one with the right fit out… In dark blue or black (the green ones look horrible to me and I’m not sure if I’d like to drive a red car), ideally with… Well, a whole lot of stuff which I’m just a little bit embarassed to admit I’m looking for in a car.

I guess, though, that it is the little things in life, and I hadn’t really considered sun roofs, tinted windows, cup holders, etc, as a serious part of my wish list, but now that I’ve seen how nice it can be to have some of these things…

Dot dot dot.

Oh yeah, I got sick again, so I’m on the Somac 20mg one a day, once again, it does the trick nicely. Also, I’m a damn hero. But I’ve told the story so many times now I don’t think I can face writing it all down. If you want to hear it, email me.