Lord of the Rings : Return of the King — (Spurious Review.)

General, Movies, Reckons

Enter today’s entry in he ‘I had AIDS before it was cool’ category*:

I saw an advance screening of Return of the King last night, was given 4 tickets, but Claire didn’t want to go see such a long movie on a weeknight, so the 3 seats to my right were the only empty ones in the whole theatre.

It’s long.

It’s not that good – really. The CG is shit, it’s a flickery jerky mess, if anything it’s actually worse than Two Towers. And that Andy Serkis needs to stop being so utterly shit at voice work. Lastly, if they’re going to cut out Saruman, at least they can also NOT have the fucking ring talking!

The spider was so bad it was laughable, might as well have been a little plastic toy bouncing along on a piece of elastic.

Oh, and if it’s not crying little bitches, it’s brave hearted fighters who virtually have blue painted faces and cries of FREEEEEEDDOOOMM!!! roaring from their collective throats. (I’ve seen this movie before, I think, now what was it called?)

The one good thing was… There were no Asian’s translating for each other at full conversational speech volume for me to bash in the heads of.

Revolutions was about 7.4 times better.

What a steaming pile of shit. And I have to sit through it again tomorrow. Gah.

* Also, put it in the complete fabrication category, I didn’t really see it last night, just wanted to make young James squirm in frustration that I (a non-fanboy) saw it first, and didn’t take him, even though I had too many seats. Lame joke, I know. And it probably didn’t even work. Pssht.