Some days I’m all about the Bs.

I had a very B’ish afternoon out with OfficeGirl. Books at Hard to Find in Ponsonby, burgers at Burgerfuel, and finally beers and billiards at the Ponsonby Snooker Centre. (Ok, I confess we didn’t actually play any billiards, but ‘a couple of games of pool and a few games of 9’ doesn’t have so much as a single solitary little ‘B’.)

You know what else starts with B? That’s right: Beaten. It turns out that OfficeGirl is a shark.

Sunday by the Pool

It’s good fun hanging out with new friends. (Old friends are smelly. I’m talking about you, smelly old friends!)

Beware the mighty stache.

Ladies, don’t be afraid. That feeling in your cockles? That’s the pure animal magnetism being generated by my stache. Clinical studies are so far inconclusive on the long term effects of exposure to the stache, but early results indicate only a very slightly elevated risk of monsterism.

Don’t Mess With the Stache

To me, now, you are but filth.

It was a weekend for cleaning the house, and generally getting a lot of little things done.

No dirty laundry though, my Chinese Laundry lady takes care of that for me. My hands smell of bleach and fake green apples, and are wrinkled from washing dishes. The walls and counter tops in my kitchen sparkle. (Or at least they would if I didn’t live in an old unrenovated flat with formica counter tops. So no sparkling, but they sure are clean.)

Last night I rebuilt the carburettor on the little scoot. It’s a very bad sign when you find a stinking mix of rusty water & petrol in the float bowl. I drained off most of the petrol in the bottom of the tank, but on reassembling the bike today it didn’t start. I fear the petrol has become contaminated. I’ll have to drain out and completely clean the tank, and probably dismantle the carburettor again. I enjoy doing mechanical work, but it’s messy and smelly, and I have both plenty of cash and far better things to do with my time so perhaps at some point this week I’ll just decide the Scootling guys can do it for me and give them a call.

It’s a fun little bike, perfect for my commute. Though I know I should be walking, after all I did take this flat – which, I must say, doesn’t entirely agree with my aesthetic sensibilities – just so I could be nice and close to the office.

I was offered a 1986 Honda VFR700F, in slightly better condition, but otherwise just like the one I owned 7 or 8 years ago – so from well before the disaster – it was very tempting, in fact so tempting that if I had anything even remotely resembling good parking, I would have gone for it. I loved that bike, it was a monster in carefully constructed red, white & blue sheep’s clothing.

The only bike I ever felt comfortable enough on to break the double ton. Man, now that’ll make your hands shake. So much fun.

Perhaps best kept for those few years in your late teens and early twenties when you have no brain in your head, when you think you’re fully grown but are utterly wrong. Those heady bullet-proof days. The days for driving too fast, drinking too much, and shagging so many people they all just turn into a fast whirling blur of half-remembered faces with long forgotten names.

And then you hit about 25, your brain finishes maturing, and you realise that contrary to appearances, you were still a child.

I just don’t quite know how I managed to pull off some of that shit and live.

A few years later, I see people, of varying ages, who still indulge some of these behaviours, and I just feel sorry for them. (I’m sure everyone knows a friend who likes to speed just a little too much? Or who always drinks half a dozen more beers than everyone else? Or who is a filthy slut with a rotting crotch?)

Still, I think it would be nice to be the child I was at that time, just for a while. But how do you avoid getting lost?

So tonight, when I’ve cleaned the stove, and vacuumed the carpets, perhaps I’ll have a glass of nice scotch, and maybe a bowl of something special, and remember how great some of those times were, and how glad I am that they are, except for the odd crazy and welcome weekend, in the past.

You’re welcome to join me in reminiscing. And as this took an unexpected turn, and became rather more of a stream-of-consciousness rant than I intended, you’re equally welcome to tell me that I’m completely off base, that it’s not possible to drive too fast, or drink too much, or sleep around like a dirty whore, uh, too much, and perhaps you could even imply that perhaps I’ve been inhaling cleaning product and petrol fumes all day and it’s affected my reasoning?

The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Now with added yellow penis! (How was that for a magical cinematic moment? Pretty good, I thought.)

Very much like a really good episode on TV but longer and … wider.

I’m sure you’ve already seen it, So let’s cut this sho-

Manufacturing Dissent (2007)

Everyone but the most irrational frothing-at-the-mouth Michael Moore fanboy already thinks that he’s a bit of a tool. This documentary goes to great lengths to illustrate just how gigantic his toolhood really is.

When you get into these spin vs. counter-spin fights, it very quickly gets difficult to tell who still has any credibility, and to be honest I don’t know if the filmmakers here do have a great deal. Who are they? Who financed their movie? (“Mostly Canadian Financiers” doesn’t actually mean anything.) Do they really expect me to believe the claim that they intended to make a straight story about Moore, only to discover that everyone hated him? I for one certainly don’t believe this, I reckon they made the exact movie they planned to make – a concerted attack from beginning to end.

Perhaps it’s a cruel misjudgement of their character, perhaps they really are just pinkos who like Moore’s message but don’t like his methods. Perhaps they’re the good guys… It just seems to me that pretending that they were lefty fans when they started is such an incredibly useful marketing gimmick, it’s almost too good to be true.

It’s also kind of obvious, like the big fat credulous idiot archetype we all know and love spouting off some garbage on a C-grade made for TV alien-expose ‘documentary’ like “I’m the biggest skeptic you ever met, so believe me when I say it changed my life to be confronted by the Burhobbit while I was innocently videoing rods and UFOs and government black helicopters”, because that person isn’t skeptical at all, they only said they were so you’d believe their lies.

Everyone already knows that Moore uses the same tactics as the right-wingers, he’s the Fox News of the left. He’s full of spin and half truths and careful editing. But so what? He makes very interesting and entertaining documentaries.

The woman who kept trying to interview him – I guess she was Debbie Melnyk, producer/director/writer – was utterly useless. So completely wet I can completely understand why Moore didn’t want to speak with her. (However, I believe he knew something was up, and that is the real reason he didn’t speak with her. If I was in his position and knew someone was making 90 minutes of documentary attacking me, would I want to speak with them? It’s very hard to say. He knows as well as anyone that it doesn’t matter how well he presents himself in an interview, they can edit it until he looks like a complete creep.)

Some of the interview subjects were interesting and illuminating – I didn’t know about Moore’s career before he made Roger and Me, I still don’t care about it, but it was interesting to see him as a thin dude. (He chocked on the pounds fast.)

Not only is Michael Moore astonishingly fat, but he’s also a giant prick. So he lies and spins and takes quotes out of context? So what! Let’s not pretend that we didn’t already know this.

Do I recommend people watch this doco? If the choice is between this and the abovementioned dross about The Military-Industrial-Martian complex, watch this. If the choice is between this and Sicko, though, choose Sicko – it’s some seriously compelling filmmaking, the likes of which the makers of Manufacturing Dissent can only dream of making.

But whatever you watch, whoever it was made by, don’t be gulled. Not by either side of the argument, you credulous damned fool. No one tells the whole truth, they only tell the truth that makes them look good. Don’t forget this at any time.

Your pathetic human brain is obsessed with trifles.

The ridiculous little sacks of meat and chemicals we use to keep our thoughts in are easily amused. They love round numbers. While tooling around in the car last night, my brain said ‘ooh, something interesting is coming’ and forced me to take an exquisitely timed photograph of the odometer as it wound around to a magic number.

Odometer winds around to a pathetic human brain pleasing number.

If our brains were better at telling the difference between ‘something that is important and interesting’ and ‘something that is — ooh look how round it is, this must be significant’ then I wouldn’t have bothered to post this up. But they’re not, are they? (Be honest.)

The Wild Weird Wide World of Sushi

If I’d thought of sushi yesterday, I would never automatically have also thought of hotdogs. Today, the world has changed.

Hotdog Sushi

After my marginally disappointing experience with Beethoven’s Hair I went and had some Japanese for lunch with Lin, and what do I spy in my bento? That’s right, hotdog sushi. Nigiri made with sushi rice & nori, frankfurter, pickle, mustard & mayonnaise.

My friends, Hotdog Sushi is a harbinger of the end of the world, it was foretold.

Make your time.

52 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Spoilers. (No spoilers in text, only in video.)

This isn’t a review, just a bunch of spoilers for the book (which I finished earlier this week). Not every significant plot point, just a few that sprung to mind.

[flv:https://morganavery.nz/media/spoilers.flv 320 240]

I thought the book was fabulous, a really good read. Though I did think that the passage of time was competely messed up, things that should have taken days are presented as taking weeks or months. Rowling should have found some other way to make the story fill up the year, I think.

Warning: No nipples, but it does contain a horrible belch, foul language, and alcohol use.

Beethoven’s Hair (2005)

Highly rated and extremely popular documentary about a lock of Beethoven’s hair that was cut from his day old corpse, and then made it’s way through the years to a pair of Beethoven enthusiast/collectors who proceed to have it scientifically tested in order to unlock (teehee) some of the secrets of his life and death.

The scheduled two sessions sold out so quickly that they put on a third showing. To be honest I don’t entirely understand the fuss, I didn’t think it was particularly well made, and I don’t really think it’s up to the standard of other Film Festival documentaries I watched this year. The recreations were rubbish, and it looked like it was all shot on too low a budget. Some of the speakers were very interesting, and the story itself is an interesting one, but I think they just missed the mark slightly.

A little disappointing.