Category: Reviews

Almost certainly one of the most highly anticipated movies of 2008 is upon us.  So anticipated was it, in fact, that I posted the trailer right here on my site.

There was such a strong response to the trailer, that The Onion dropped some of their own brand of too long but still very funny snark on it.

As of Thursday, the full length adaptation of the trailer is out, and is it good?

No, I’m afraid it’s not good, it’s very good.

Funny, action packed, and unlike other recent comic book adaptations such as Spider-man the hero is a hero, not a whiney-ass emo bitch who moans and complains about how hard it is to be a hero.  Tony Stark is not emo.  Tony Stark is WIN.

If you like action movies, or action comedies, or comic book adaptations I think you should go see it.  Including people who like comic book adaptations is almost certainly redundant as they already have.  Fucking fanboys.

I AM IRON MAN.

You already know what I’m going to say about this movie.  You reckon.  I reckon.
So let me get it out there right up front: This is one of the best action movies I’ve seen in years.  It’s completely awesome.

You don’t know if you believe me, do you?  But it’s true – I dug the hell out of this damn movie.  The audience literally (I’m not kidding) applauded at the end.

You also don’t know quite how violent it is – with an average of one death every 23 seconds, there’s a lot of killing – and it’s not just killing, it’s incredibly explosive pieces of flying meat, bodies exploding in half, bursting head, killing.

And yes, John gets his bow out.  Oh boy, does he ever.

If you can put yourself in the right frame of mind to enjoy some ultraviolence, I strongly urge you to find the time to bask in the glory of this complete fragfest.

Japanese/American remake of an original Thai horror/thriller movie.  The important part, I think, is that the director in this case is Japanese (Masayuki Ochiai) – I think it’s been pretty well demonstrated, over the years, that they have a magic touch when it comes to creeping the shit out of cinema goers.

Remember Ringu?  That was some scary stuff right there, and what was it?  Just a girl with long hair being played backwards.  Or The Grudge, which this movie probably should be compared to (or The Ring I guess, but I never bothered watching it after enjoying the original Ringu so pants-pissingly much), a kid with a black mouth screeching like a cat.  And terrrrrrrifying.

Well, here we have the same thing again, Americans in Japan being harassed by scary as hell Japanese ghosts – visible, usually, only in photos.  So how scary is it to take a Polaroid, and seconds later see a terrifying ghoul, in the same room as you’re in?  I’ll give you a hint: really scary.  (Though the movie isn’t as scary as Ringu.)

I don’t want to give too much away here, but let’s just say that the leading man (Joshua Jackson) is a photographer, and the leading lady (Rachel Taylor) – his new wife, they’re on their honeymoon – likes to… take photos with a digital camera.  Oh, it turns out that the ghouls loooooovvee CCD sensors as much as they like film negatives.

Uh-oh.

The teensy little blonde sitting beside me certainly seemed to like it, if all the squeels and shifting around in her seat where anything to go by.  This leads me to think it would probably make a good date movie.  (In as much as any movie can be a good date movie.  I don’t think movies are a good date idea – you can’t talk to and get to know a person in a movie, so what’s the point?  Maybe date number 3 or 4 or 5 – of if you’re just trying out how it feels to ‘go out with’ someone you’ve known in other contexts for a while.)

The movie ends reasonably gently (well, gently for us, not so gently for folk in the movie) by telling you, more or less, how you can avoid being harassed by these terrifying ghosts, so you won’t be followed in the shadows by scary little ghouls infesting your thoughts when you leave the theatre, so if you’re of a fragile disposition, this one is probably safe for you – no worries about something being in the bathroom, behind the door.  Dear god, don’t go and look.  Just get out of the house.  That creaking noise you just half heard?  Leave.  Now.  Run.

RUN!

A Superbad rip-off.  I’m not sure if it’s fair to say rip-off when it’s made by the same people.  Actually, given that, maybe it’s even worse than an “honest” rip-off.  The three kids are the same fucking characters as in Superbad.  The fat kid with curly hair and a big mouth, the not fat kid who is more softly spoken, the dorky little guy with a weird voice.  What the fuck?  SRSLY.

Anyway, it has its moments.  I liked all of the movie & pop culture references.  (Too bad not many people in the theatre seemed to get half of them.  Or if they did get them, didn’t enjoy them.)  And the Fight Club scene was sweet.  (Seriously, in the back?  In the forehead?  Knee to the quad? One in the nuts?  Youch.)

If your plans suddenly change (expected/unexpected zombie outbreak, you understand), and you find yourself at a bit of a loose end after dinner (lovely Korean) with a mate, you can definitely do worse – it’s pretty funny, pretty easy going.  But weaker than the original.

No alcohol in the squad car.

Verdict: why not?

When I saw the first teaser trailer I knew I was going to like this movie.

Then I heard about the chops of some of the people behind its production: director Doug Liman made Go & Swingers, Mr & Mrs Smith, and The Bourne Identity.
The writing team includes David Goyer who wrote the Blade movies, Dark City, and Batman Begins, and Jim Uhls who wrote the screenplay for motherfucking Fightclub.

So, chops. I knew I was in for a good thing.

But I was just so goddamn wrong.

Not that there weren’t a few good ideas… I mean, I guess. I liked all the bits with the library. And the Tokyo driving sequence with the stolen Benzo was fun.

But the thing with the bus was cooler on the trailer than in the movie. And the teleport-fighting was much better dealt with in X-Men 2 (that whole sequence with Nightcrawler in the Whitehouse was osome), than it is here in a movie entirely about teleporting and fighting!  This movie is awful.  It’s childish.  And an unrelenting idiocy pervades it, from shortly after the beginning until the end.

It felt like a good writer crafted a few scenes, and then they had some idiot’s second generation idiot teenage son come up with all of the rest of the ideas.  And it just didn’t work.

The main character (Hayden Christensen) is entirely unlikeable, only barely coming above the appropriately loathsome bad guy (Sam Jackson with badly dyed hair, phoning it in).

Hayden Christensen shouldn’t be allowed to stand around in any more movies. Just cut him a cheque and tell him to fuck off.  He’s done.

If the movie had been about the other Jumper, it would have had a chance. So much potential, but the stupid goddamn stupid stupid fucking stupid.

Just skip it.

It’s hard to know where to start with this latest Coen brothers movie.

Not only will you be creeped out by Javier Bardem’s peformance as the massively defective, bowlcut hairstyled bad guy.

And not only will you cheer for the skilled, capable and smart good guy who seems to do the things you assume you’d do (or, should I say: I assume I’d do).

And not only will you feel sorry for all the dog shooting – not to mention brutal serial killing of innocent bystanders and bad guys alike.

And not only will you wonder just what is wrong with the sound track – nothing, music simply used extremely sparingly,  to powerful effect.

But you will also have all of your preconceptions of ‘normal’ movie structural stereotypes subverted as the film makers go completely off the playbook.  (Not in the Memento sense, but you’ll see what I mean when you watch the movie.)

It has numerous graphically portrayed instances of realistic violence, so if you can’t stand that, I do suggest you skip it.

It’s been out for a long time, so I’m sure you’ve already seen it.  I mean, I saw it 3 weeks ago.  But just on the off chance you’re a complete idiot and can’t see that this is certainly one of the movies of the year: Go see it (allowing for the aforementioned violence caveat).

A fixer for a law firm (George Clooney) works to patch up the fallout of his old friend and partner in his law firm (Tom Wilkinson) going off his meds, and seemingly going moonbat.  Exceptionally well cast.  Strong performances performances all around – including some seriously brave work by Tilda Swinton, as the evil big corporate lawyer.

Good from beginning to end, I thought, with particularly strong (if understated) closing titles.

Strongly recommended.

It turns out we can probably formulate a few simple rules…

1. If you’re making an English language movie, you should probably skip Jet Li
2. If you’re making a Jason Statham movie, it had better be jokey
3. If your movie isn’t about superheroes, don’t call any of your characters Rogue

If you break these rules, your movie will suck – as evidence of this I present Rogue Assassin, a steaming pile of crap.

Don’t bother.

Whatever you’ve heard is probably right, and yet you just have no idea. This movie is incredible, you simply must go see it.

(If you’re really, really lucky you’ll get an audience half as good as the one in our showing – the quiet moments were completely silent – quite a feat for a full theatre, I think.)