Category: General

A very sweet animated movie, with Jack Black and a bunch of other big name actors (Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, et al).

Even though you didn’t see it, you already know the story:
Hopelessly uncoordinated panda, a noodlemaker’s son, loves kung fu, but doesn’t want to disappoint his dad (who wants to pass on the family business), panda is chosen as savior through a series of unlikely events, and ends up saving the day against a seemingly undefeatible opponent.

And you know it because we’ve already seen the exact same story a hundred times, in fact you’ve probably done it a few times yourself. (You are a kung fu loving panda, right?)

Oogway the tortoise is awesome.  (Even if they do call him a turtle.  Americans, eh?  Sigh.)

These things are so formulaic you know every note before it’s played, but it’s so sweet and nicely made that I don’t think that really matters.

Beautifully animated, great voice acting, and they really hit every note.

Skadoosh!

The second theatrically released installment in the continuing story of the long running – and long cancelled – TV series.

We see the now retired Fox Mulder (a conspiracy nut, with no indication of whatever his new career might be, if any) and Dana Scully (a surgeon in a catholic hospital) dragged back into service when Fox’s special set of skills are called for.

I can’t bring myself to go on very long here, as this movie left me breathless with confusion.  Not at anything that happened – it’s far less interesting than the first film – but trying to figure just what part of this production constitutes a goddamn movie.

This isn’t a movie.

This is a long episode from the TV series.

And not a very interesting episode.

*spoilers* There are no aliens. No shape shifters. Jack shit of anything really.  Just a well explained nutter surgeon plying his trade.  That’s it. *spoilers*

The performances are all good, and I enjoyed whatever this was, but it wasn’t a movie, and I suspect you’d hate the shit out of it for that.

Skip it. Download it. Watch it on TV.  Whatever.

P.S. *spoiler* by far the most interesting thing to any old X Files fan is that Mulder & Skully get it on, and appear to live together.  I know: WTF? *spoiler*

If you haven’t already seen it, you’re… well, you’re probably an idiot.

If you have seen it, but didn’t see it on IMAX, you’re certainly, without a doubt, an idiot.  (Unless you live in a city with no IMAX, in which case you get a pass. Grudgingly.)

You see, a number of sequences in The Dark Knight were filmed on IMAX, which is very unusual for a movie that isn’t a documentary, but the first time the screen fills up?  Just… incredible.  It will drag the corners of your mouth wide in astonishment at its grandeur.

If you’re one of those people who likes to watch movies at home, on DVD…  Change you habits for this one.  It simply has to be seen on IMAX to be fully appreciated.

I’m tired, now, of using that brand name.  Just, one last go: don’t see it anywhere but in… you know… that cinema…  I already named like three times.  Ok?  Please.  You won’t regret it.

And, come on, for fuck’s sake, it’s $2.50 more.  Two dollars and fifty fucking cents.  What are you?

Ok, I’m done with the IMAX stuff now.

The performances.  You will have to forgive me, it’s going to sound like a venerating the dead thing, but it’s not, Heath Ledger steals the whole damn movie.  His performance is incredible.  This is absolutely the ultimate Joker.  He leaves Jack Nicholson for dead.  Absolutely for dead.

Least compelling is Maggie Gyllenhaal, I mean her performance, I guess, isn’t too bad… But her voice is weak and girly when it needs to be strong – she’s supposed to be a powerful assistant district attorney, but she sounds like a little girl -  but worse, if people are going to be constantly talking about her beauty, she should probably be something that resembles beautiful.  And not just weeeeird looking.  In the face.

Michael Caine & Morgan Freeman are great. Christian Bale is very good as Bruce Wayne, but I find the voice he puts on when he’s *spoiler* The Batman *spoiler*, to be rather irritating and overdone.  Aaron Eckhart is pretty good as well.

Two-Face’s makeup is incredible, and goes far further than I expected.

But whatever other performances were good, and however fun the other characters, all of the best scenes are definitely reserved for the Joker.  Favourites include the one when he’s dressed as a nurse, hobbling along on his skinny little peg legs, and another when he’s hanging out of the back of a squad car, all crazy tongued and joyful.

There’s a reason this one has broken all the box office records.  And I’m sure you’re part of that reason.  So you already know all of this.

Will Smith is the titular character in this most recent superhero movie – a superhero movie that, just for once, doesn’t come from those over-rated fucks at DC or Marvel.

We seem to have had super hero movies coming out of our ears lately.  I’m wondering if it has something to do with the War on Freedom Sanity Terror?  With the mouth-breathing public subconsciously wanting a magical super being to come and take the scary-boo-boo away.

Well I’ve got bad news for you, the scary-boo-boo isn’t a dude sitting in a cave somewhere, the scary-boo-boo is Corporate Interests who print money using your fear for ink – they have no reason to take away your fear, because your fear stinks of profit to these fuckers, whether it’s re-election, or selling advertisers your eyeballs, or big guns to large militaries (the kind of military that is completely unsuited to fighting a small highly mobile “enemy” that doesn’t even fucking exist except in the very rarest of instances).

Sorry, got a bit sidetracked there.  Awkward.

Ok, so Will Smith.  Superhero.  Movie.

Hancock isn’t like other heroes. Sure, he has some pretty familiar Incredible Powers, and is generally a good guy, but after years of being taken completely for granted – and reviled when he isn’t as… careful… as he could be – he’s now a terribly lonely alcoholic misanthrope, who only flies in to save the day when he’s shaken to consciousness from his alcoholic stupor on whatever park bench he fell asleep on most recently. (The thing about being utterly impervious to harm is that you probably don’t give a shit about the state of your diet or accommodation.  Or that the bad guys have guns.  Or that you shouldn’t fly through things in your way rather than around them.)

Regardless of the boozing, Hancock is a hero, he kicks arse and saves lives.  Unfortunately a lot of people aren’t able to look past the destroyed freeways and derailed freight trains.  Oops.

I can’t go much further here with verging into spoiler territory, as the film takes a turn in the middle – after which some critics say it turns into a stinker, but I say it really hits its stride, and gives you the bonus of, more-or-less two movies for the price of one.

Suffice to say that Hancock’s vulnerability (unbeknownst to him as it is) turns out to be far more heartbreaking than kryptonite could ever be.

This is one of the best superhero movies I’ve ever seen, right behind the likes of Iron Man and Batman Begins (better than Batman Begins in some ways, partly because Hancock doesn’t have Ra’s Al Ghul), and the film’s lack of popularity with the critics doesn’t make a great deal of sense to me.

If you haven’t already seen it, I urge you to get down to your local theatre and check it out before it’s too late.