My Problems Are Like So Important


Don’t ask me why it was there, but I found this photo on an old memory card on my desk. I wish I hadn’t, ‘cos now I’m reminded just how fucking ridiculous my video card looks. That’s a princess wearing golden armor, right? I’m just glad I don’t usually have to see the hideous thing. It’ll be tough going forgetting the garish thing is in there.

If I made video cards they’d be available in either of two colours, yellow with a white racing stripe, or black with a red racing stripe. Any model name or number would be black on black or yellow on yellow. No sad faced pouty princesses with red painted lips and stupid bloody armor, that’s for sure.

I could probably be convinced into releasing a yearly special edition. Just 20 cards, and only available on my birthday. All completely covered – back, front, and sides – with hundreds and thousands of tiny little pictures of tits.