First we fight, then we have cake and icecream.


I reckon it depends on the surroundings. With luck and the right terrain, and time to breathe between administering thrashings – I think I could take hundreds or thousands before I was taken down, but put me in a closed room where there wouldn’t be time to recover, requiring maximum short term explosions of brutality, and I reckon this is probably about right.

With 6 months of karate fitness under my belt I think it would be fair to double the number – I’m much faster than people expect of a big guy, but still have all the weight behind my mighty blows. (It’s been years since I trained, and I reckon that if you want to be sharp, you need to spar regularly. Ideally against small children.)

It’s important at this time of year to pause for a moment of quiet contemplation and consider: How many 5 year olds can I take in a fight?