Sequel mania.

If you asked me to list the movies which I thought deserved a sequel, I probably wouldn’t come up with a very large number, anyway, one of the movies which wouldn’t even occur to me, because let’s face it, it was pretty forgettable, was ‘The Whole 9 Yards’, and who thought it was clever to call it ‘The Whole 10 Yards’? What does that even mean? There is no phrase ‘the whole 10 yards’ it’s rubbish.

Movies I’d like to see a sequel for:

  • Bourne Identity. There are 3 books, after all, and they’re all complete rubbish, but I liked the movie.
  • Spiderman. There already is one, but I want more. I just like it.
  • Star Wars. I’d like to see movies 1 – 3 remade by someone other than George Lucas, have that person go through 4 – 6 to get rid of any shit he added with the 20th aniversary releases, and then go on to make 7 – 10. This person would have to be seriously gifted, and have hundreds of millions of dollars per movie. Phantom Menace would have no pod race scene, the kid would have virtually no role, they’d just be like ‘wow, this kid that isn’t all cute and shit, and who hardly says a word, has some serious force flowing, let’s send him off somewhere, forget about him for a while, and just have some cool kickass adventures for a while (with boobies and splosions)’.
  • Alien. Another Alien movie, but with Predators. How long has this been rumored? I’d prefer that Ripley isn’t in it, and it’d be best to completely forget about that awful human alien hybrid from 4.
  • X-Men. 2 was better than 1, if 3 is better still it will be seriously excellent. (But watch out for any visiting Aliens being too lame to exist.)
  • Blade Runner. Why not?

Movies I don’t want to see a sequel for:

  • Fight Club. I don’t think there is anything of value to add.
  • Daredevil. What a big steaming pile of crap. Internal consistency is important. Something else that is important is: having people who can do martial arts convincingly, that fight between skank-ho and blind-bob was so unbelievably bad – give Dylan a camera and James a wig, I’ll play blind-bob, give us one afternoon and a few beers, and we’ll shoot a version 23x more believable.
  • Lost Highway. Actually, David Lynch gets a lifetime ban from making movies, and all his previous movies are destroyed.
  • Battlefield Earth. Fucking Scientology.
  • Police Academy. Please un-make the ~7 that have already been made, k? thx.
  • RoboCop. (Anyone else notice how these movies just got worse and worse the more they made?)