Cheese Toasties

The Baker Monkey Presents:
Cheese Toasties

People often come up to me on the street, and they ask me questions about why I do things the way I do, and how they can be more like me.

One of the most frequently asked questions is about my world reknowned cheese toastie making skills, I want to move past this, and on to more important things, so please, before you come up to me on the street and ask me in person, read this page.

Perhaps, next time, instead of cheese toasties, you can ask me about how much money I have on me, and if I’d like to ‘lend’ you some for your ‘bus fare’, you drunken homeless bum.

INGREDIENTS bread, cheese, tomato, butter, salt & pepper, some kind of heat source.

You’ll also need a knife, which you’ll use to turn the cheese into…

Sliced cheese.

Use that knife again, this time combine it with a…

Tomato turning it into a…

Sliced tomato.

Now take your bread and put it into…

Your bread into toast converting machine.

While you wait for your bread converter, get a yoghurt out of the fridge, cookering is hungry making work.

Through the wonders of modern technology, you probably now have some toast. It is very important that you don’t skip this step, people who make cheese toasties without toasting their bread are weird and freaky.

A whole tribe of toasts is called a party but this is just one toast, which is called a toast.

Even though it’s probably hot enough to burn your fingers, let’s pretend it looks cold, and that it looks like it needs covering up with something, oh look, some…


Remember how we sliced some tomato?.. Put a couple of bits of it on top of the butter.

You don’t have to put any salt on, but some people like it. If you do put any on, make sure it’s not too much, salt is some bad shit.

Notice that this picture looks almost identical to the previous one, it’s not, the tomato has some salt on it now, but I’m not sure why I bothered with the picture, really.

Cheese toasties without cheese would just be toasties… Which could probably be better referred to as toast. Toast can be pretty boring, unless, perhaps, it has avocado and stuff on it, but that’s a whole other story.

According to advice I’ve received from’s staff counsel, it’s illegal to use salt on something if you don’t also use pepper. So please, for the sake of your children, use pepper. It’s just not worth the time in solitary confinement.

Another boring shot of a barely changed piece of cheese… Yes it has pepper on it now… But I could have used any old grit I’d swept up off the floor, for all you know.

Put the newly built cheese toastie under the grill.

It looks awful lonely in there by itself, so I’ll…

Make another couple of pieces.

Okay, I admit I’m probably not fooling anyone, I really made six bits, and ate them all myself, didn’t even share any with George.

Realise that six cheese toasties (should that be a party of cheesies) is more than enough, and put the yoghurt back in the fridge.

Notice a bottle of something nice in the fridge…

Pour yourself a glass.