Author: Morgan Avery

Such a Sleep Disorder (3)

Morgan Avery

Last night was a good night, whether thanks for positive visualisation (which I did none of) or half a bottle of blackberry wine (which I did one of), it was all smooth sailing until dawn. Thanks to this I rewarded myself with a dollop of my very favourite head polish (so shiny), and pie for lunch.

Incidentally, it turns out that blackberry wine leaves a dark streak the length of your tongue that lasts all night and looks really fucking gross first thing in the morning.

Update: I thought you’d like to know that as the day has progressed my head has gone from a beautiful glossy sheen, down to a more satiny finish.  Still good, but nothing beats a good shine.

Such a Sleep Disorder

Morgan Avery

You will know, if you’re a long time friend of mine, that I’ve been known to do stupid stuff in my sleep.  Not just snoring, but laughing, trumpet playing, alien spotting, walking, hand grenade dodging, and sprint into the closeting.

So, if a normal person said ‘I had a terrible night last night, kicking in my sleep’ you’d think they were probably new to speaking English, but perhaps meant, tossing & turning & kicking the sheets off.  But if I said the same thing, you might know something more interesting than that was up, and unfortunately, yeah, you’d be right.

What I did was get up, plant one hand on either side of my wardrobe, and kick a hole through the wall.

You will recall that I used to train in karate a lot, a long time ago.  Apparently my karate retrained instincts still work, pushing my body into a pretty decent form, even in my sleep, which I guess is interesting – and probably means it’s still no problem for me to kick your arse.

Just one beautiful stroke, and no harm done to my foot.  But plenty of harm done to my wall.

Kicking in my sleep at night.

My foot was, in fact, only stopped when I hit the wooden boards that make up the far side of the wall.  So yeah, oops.

Please understand that this all seemed perfectly reasonable in the context of my dream – someone with a gun was on the far side of the wall, and had just locked me in, I figured I had to take any element of surprise I could, and attacked them through the wall.  Obvious, right?

Now, I might not be a doctor, but I have a hunch that this all means I’ve been living with some sort of anxiety.  What do you think?

Anyway, as I awoke, standing there holding my wardrobe, and recoiling my leg back to the ready position (for a follow on mae keage, always one of my favourites), with the slowly dawning knowledge of what I’d just done, wondering if I’d actually shouted what I dreamed I’d shouted (“You’re going to regret this!”), and then realising that even if I hadn’t actually shouted, I’d probably just shaken the whole fucking house with a mighty crashing thud…  And what would my neighbours think?

So embarassing.

I really far prefer laughing myself awake, or humming the star spangled banner to keep a calliope running, let me tell you.

To make up for it, today at work I put together a papercraft ceiling cat, and taped it up above my desk.  It looks osome. Here he is, gazing down on me as I w**k.

Papercraft Ceiling Cat

I also had a really fucking awesome night out tonight with my wife of two months.  But perhaps we can talk more about that some other time.  Right?  Right.

Rambo (2008)

Morgan Avery

You already know what I’m going to say about this movie.  You reckon.  I reckon.
So let me get it out there right up front: This is one of the best action movies I’ve seen in years.  It’s completely awesome.

You don’t know if you believe me, do you?  But it’s true – I dug the hell out of this damn movie.  The audience literally (I’m not kidding) applauded at the end.

You also don’t know quite how violent it is – with an average of one death every 23 seconds, there’s a lot of killing – and it’s not just killing, it’s incredibly explosive pieces of flying meat, bodies exploding in half, bursting head, killing.

And yes, John gets his bow out.  Oh boy, does he ever.

If you can put yourself in the right frame of mind to enjoy some ultraviolence, I strongly urge you to find the time to bask in the glory of this complete fragfest.

Quick Drink, Retread

Morgan Avery2 Comments

[flv:https://morganavery.nz/media/fakesake.flv 640 360]

I’ve got something extreme up my sleeve and ready to go as soon as I feel you’ve sufficiently prepared yourself. (You won’t even believe it.)

Shutter (2008)

Morgan Avery

Japanese/American remake of an original Thai horror/thriller movie.  The important part, I think, is that the director in this case is Japanese (Masayuki Ochiai) – I think it’s been pretty well demonstrated, over the years, that they have a magic touch when it comes to creeping the shit out of cinema goers.

Remember Ringu?  That was some scary stuff right there, and what was it?  Just a girl with long hair being played backwards.  Or The Grudge, which this movie probably should be compared to (or The Ring I guess, but I never bothered watching it after enjoying the original Ringu so pants-pissingly much), a kid with a black mouth screeching like a cat.  And terrrrrrrifying.

Well, here we have the same thing again, Americans in Japan being harassed by scary as hell Japanese ghosts – visible, usually, only in photos.  So how scary is it to take a Polaroid, and seconds later see a terrifying ghoul, in the same room as you’re in?  I’ll give you a hint: really scary.  (Though the movie isn’t as scary as Ringu.)

I don’t want to give too much away here, but let’s just say that the leading man (Joshua Jackson) is a photographer, and the leading lady (Rachel Taylor) – his new wife, they’re on their honeymoon – likes to… take photos with a digital camera.  Oh, it turns out that the ghouls loooooovvee CCD sensors as much as they like film negatives.

Uh-oh.

The teensy little blonde sitting beside me certainly seemed to like it, if all the squeels and shifting around in her seat where anything to go by.  This leads me to think it would probably make a good date movie.  (In as much as any movie can be a good date movie.  I don’t think movies are a good date idea – you can’t talk to and get to know a person in a movie, so what’s the point?  Maybe date number 3 or 4 or 5 – of if you’re just trying out how it feels to ‘go out with’ someone you’ve known in other contexts for a while.)

The movie ends reasonably gently (well, gently for us, not so gently for folk in the movie) by telling you, more or less, how you can avoid being harassed by these terrifying ghosts, so you won’t be followed in the shadows by scary little ghouls infesting your thoughts when you leave the theatre, so if you’re of a fragile disposition, this one is probably safe for you – no worries about something being in the bathroom, behind the door.  Dear god, don’t go and look.  Just get out of the house.  That creaking noise you just half heard?  Leave.  Now.  Run.

RUN!

Smashing Pumpkins (& QOTSA)

Morgan Avery

[flv:https://morganavery.nz/media/smashingpumpkins.flv 640 360]

A few things I didn’t mention in the vid:
Billy Corgan wore a fetching silver metallic skirt well matched to a silvery Zero t-shirt.
The kids in the mosh were idiots, with a lot of stupid shoving and surging (and P.S. very little of this music really justified a mosh, most of it was a couple of notches down the intensity level from there – at the jump up and down stage, no higher).
Several folks decided, at various times, that the middle of a huge tightly packed crowd was a great place to spark up a bit of weed. Being subjected to other people’s smoke when you really don’t have any reasonable way of avoiding it is completely fucked. It smelled like brain damage.
Queens of the Stone Age seemed pretty good, but I’m not a big fan, and only know 1 or 2 of their songs.

I did try to get a better camera before the gig, but the shop I visited claimed to have stock on their website, then in store pretended ignorance (and surprise, inflated the price by $200 at the same time as offering ‘free’ delivery – pretty stink, and distinctly non-New Zealandish, tactics).

I remember really enjoying the Smashing Pumpkins last time I saw them – all the way back in the depths of 1994 – and I enjoyed them again this time, but perhaps playing for 20 minutes less, and getting more focus with their set list, would sharpen things up a bit.

Drillbit Taylor (2008)

Morgan Avery

A Superbad rip-off.  I’m not sure if it’s fair to say rip-off when it’s made by the same people.  Actually, given that, maybe it’s even worse than an “honest” rip-off.  The three kids are the same fucking characters as in Superbad.  The fat kid with curly hair and a big mouth, the not fat kid who is more softly spoken, the dorky little guy with a weird voice.  What the fuck?  SRSLY.

Anyway, it has its moments.  I liked all of the movie & pop culture references.  (Too bad not many people in the theatre seemed to get half of them.  Or if they did get them, didn’t enjoy them.)  And the Fight Club scene was sweet.  (Seriously, in the back?  In the forehead?  Knee to the quad? One in the nuts?  Youch.)

If your plans suddenly change (expected/unexpected zombie outbreak, you understand), and you find yourself at a bit of a loose end after dinner (lovely Korean) with a mate, you can definitely do worse – it’s pretty funny, pretty easy going.  But weaker than the original.

No alcohol in the squad car.

Verdict: why not?