Category: General

A poem for my baby in advance of that bizarre annual festival of lies — no, not my birthday — Valentines Day. It’s called "Hey baby, could you get some dinner on the way home from work?."

Hey baby, could you get some dinner on the way home from work?

I’m not sure what you want, but I wouldn’t mind having Wendy’s.

If you want something else, that would be fine too.

If you want me to cook for you, I’d love to do that.

But if you want Wendy’s too, I’d like it if you could get me a bacon classic combo and a chilli.

Oh, and please get some extra hot sauce.

It’s hot, like you.

It’s saucy, like you.

I love it, like you.

I think she’ll like it.

Went out to Forrest Hill for more mountain bike trail riding insanity yesterday, this time I took George along, he seemed to enjoy it, but running along the twisty turny trails for over 20Ks wore his legs down to bloody stumps. Now he keeps looking at me strangely sort of like: "Please don’t make me run anymore you fucking two-legged bastard."

Things I didn’t learn until today:

The same bloody genius that discovered that ethyl lead made engines run smoother, and caused it to be added to petrol, discovered Chloro Fleuro Carbons.

Who says one man can’t make a difference?

Apple are a marketing company, most of their products are the same as what’s available on PC, in some cases utterly identical and cheaper, so what Apple sell you is "style" and "a whole lot of shiny white paint" they also still pretend to sell you "easy," which is a complete lie, but never mind, ‘cos they’re now really really good at marketing their shiny white boxes.

They even get to me sometimes, the Imac G5, for example, isn’t original, there are other ‘everything behind the screen’ machines, but: it’s lovely, and while you could have an ‘okay’ PC with dual 19" LCD screens for the price of a single 17" Imac G5, but its amazingly less of a price shock than was the norm even just a couple of years ago.

However, the coolest recent hardware from Apple is the new mini mac, it’s much more versatile than the Imac G5, however, even this isn’t really that original – there are plenty of cheap and cheerful tiny case options for PC users – thing is, they’re mostly not as hot as the mini.

The MP3 players, though… I really can’t imagine the drive that some people have to buy the over priced over rated Apple branded MP3 players, I don’t have the drive, so I think you’re all fools, and yes I’m sure you do like your Ipod, it’s nice to be able to carry around a lot of files, but I do this with portable hard drives, bigger than any Ipod, and a third of the price. But who in their right mind would buy the new Ipod Shuffle? It’s a flash based mp3 player, just like the non-Apple world has been enjoying for years. Why would you bother? (It was an obvious move for Apple, of course: it’s the only portion of the mp3 player market they don’t yet 0wn, and I suspect it’ll probably work.)

Apple do need to sort out OSX, though, it’s an awful unintuitive lump.

I think I might start giving people "be aware I’m going to be giving you a cool gift in January" chits for Christmas, out and about tonight amongst the nightmarish hustle and bustle of the Christmasses, looking at piles of ‘some thing I want to give one of to someone’ and knowing that if they’ve got this much stock left now, the price is going to be down 40% post-Christmas.

It’s depressing.

Claire sold her hot gold topped 3SGE powered ’86 Toyota Celica, I hope the new owner has as much fun driving it as I did. It was a nippy little car. A mechanic who had a look at it described the engine to the buyer as "a monster." He also said things along the lines of (and I’m paraphrasing here, even if I am putting it in quotes) "it kicks the arse off all the modern ones."

I’m sure that helped the guy make his mind up — it didn’t hurt that he also got a bargain, I’m sure.

In other news, I’m not giving out as many Christmas gifts as in previous years, I guess I’m kind of over being Santa to so many people who won’t make a single bit of effort to maintain our friendships. With all due respect, fuck y’all.

In yet further news, I’ve been eating completely ridiculous amounts of kimchi ramen and teriyaki noodles, I’m considering trying one of those lame ‘eat this stupid thing for a month’ gags you see around the web in various places, don’t think I could stand it, a packet a day for lunch is more than I can stand, hence the occasional omlette or sandwich (or going out for Wendy’s or whatever). I’ve definitely been paying less for lunches since I’ve been running my own business, the whole thing with jumping across the road to Annie’s to grab a tray of rice and dumplings, or curry, or a pie or whatever was so convenient, but so very very bad.

Maybe I should try a month where I can only ‘eat’ what I can drink. Would it be cheating to have Complan or something?

Doing anything along those lines is probably just flirting with the disaster that would be my (satan loving) ulcer making a return, dirty bloody bastard. It really hurts.

Anyway, if any of you Auckland denizens I haven’t seen for a while want to come over for a BBQ or go out for a drink or something, drop me an email.

(Speaking of people I haven’t seen for a while, François, do you read this? I always enjoy your missives, and I can’t wait for you to get the fook back.)

Another note to people overseas, and you know who you are, for future reference if you’re buying food products for people’s Christmas presents, it might be a good idea to NOT have them delivered at the BEGINNING of December.

Jeeze, what a mess of a post, but there you go. Obviously I’ve had too much flavour enhancer 621, 631, and ginger.

That post was rubbish. If you didn’t read the footnote, you’re silly.

When I did finally see RotK, I thought it was okay. But Arwen should be fired out of a canon, Liv Tyler is a big load of goat anus.