Category: General

So rude.

I was eleven years old. And when I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, “Hello. My name is Outlet V3 IS Ext 7525. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.

Asus seem to be pretty good at making small & cheap laptops, but don’t trust them to teach your children geography. Not only do they plant New York in the middle of Canada, but they also appear to think London is somewhere in Russia.

Or perhaps they just use a really budget airline?

When you build a brand around iron fisted control of your image, it must be absolutely heartrending to see your carefully cultivated bullshit fucked up by some dipshit from a small computer shop who happens to have a bit of chalk handy.

I was visited in the night by a quiet little friend.

Little is relative, of course, and this size of moth is only really little when being compared to an albatross. So, really friggin’ huge for a moth – about as wide as the palm of my hand, but she looked even larger because of the scary part.

Wait, scary part?

Well, no of course not, this is a moth we’re talking about. So let’s call it the odd part instead: her legs. It looked not entirely unlike a spider using a moth as a glider.

If spiders ever figure that out… Let’s just say I might have to start killing them. Or maybe myself. Whatever happens though – when the spiders start flying? The killing begins.

A survival horror game. (Flash required.)

As we’ve already established thanks to our mates at the NZ Herald, journalism in this country is populated – certainly at the bottom end – by the barely literate. It’s possible that it was an honest typo, but my heart-wrenching fear is that the staffer had to resort to spelling Monet phonetically.

The third option is that our beloved copywriter has delivered a particularly on-the-nose jab at the big-money nature of The Art Industry. I’ll leave it to you, gentle reader, to decide how much credence I give this possibility.

Why she was inside I don’t know, she seemed to be enjoying flying highspeed orbits around the light in the living room, but as fun as it might have been for a little while, I can’t imagine it would stay amusing.

Yeah, ok, I’ll be back in a couple of hours to see your precious post-roll advertisement. I mean, I’m sure it was going to be a highlight of my afternoon, right?