I’d like to do some science, or at least arrange to have some science done on my behalf.

Is hotness hot in the cold?  Are people scared of scary people?  Finally, and we can answer the questions that have plagued mankind through the ages.

It consists of a survey, in as much as surveys (and by close association: statistics) can be called science.

The survey takes several parts, but what it’s really about is how many people a given person has to ask before someone will take a survey, and depending on surveyor, which passer-by is most likely to become a surveyee.

Initially it strikes me that interesting surveyors would be a patched mongrel mob member with full facial tattoos, and a bikini clad model in the rain on a winters day.

The third part of the survey is how long can you keep someone answering questions while you go through a seemingly (or even: actually) endless series of questions.  And would the facial-tattooed patched gang member, once having snared one of the (I hypothesise) very few people not too scared to talk to him, be able to keep someone there standing answering his questions effectively forever?

This is science.  As I see it.  Pure, unadulterated, science.

The purpose of the hot bikini-clad model-type standing in the cold Winter rain, protected from the inclement weather by nothing more than a clipboard, should be self-evident.  It would be hot.  And what science needs is definitely hotness.  And shivering gooseflesh.

Perhaps a hot washboard abs endowed guy in a speedo could be added for good measure, to throw the feminists off the trail.  Actually that feels more sciency too, you could call him a placebo, or control group, or something. Which all sounds convincingly scientific to me.

Now all I need is for my modest proposal to be accepted, so I can get that Government grant-money firehose turned on all over my head, neck & back.