Crackers & Paté

The Baker Monkey Presents:
Crackers & Paté

Since I released my previous recipe, which was a smashing success, I must say, and thank-you so much to all my fans, I’ve had a lot of contact from reader asking if I could create directions suitable for those who don’t have enough cutting experience to slice cheese or tomatoes, or who aren’t allowed to use electrical applicanes, but who want to feel like they can play their own part in the war on terror.

Here it is.


INGREDIENTS Plum & Brandy Pate, Ritz Crackers (halal, by the way).


Blunt or ‘butter’ knife, careful with knives, you might stab yourself in the eye.


Pate in it’s natural form is difficult to eat, so…


Take it out of the box. (and open the seal, it’s still covered in plastic)


You must use Ritz Crackers, there is no viable alternative, and I’m not being paid to say this, honest.


Put your crackers on a plate.


Grab a cracker.


Take the afore mentioned knife and…


.. Scoop some pate onto the knife.


Carefully spread it onto the cracker – crackers are fragile creatures, and need to be treated with care and respect.


Either take a small bite, or…


Take a big bite. Rinse & repeat.

Remember, pate is made of birds guts, eat up.

That’s all. Join me next time when I’ll sohw you how to drink a glass of Coca-Cola.