Dnevnoy dozor (2006) (aka Day watch)

I must admit that I hadn’t really planned on seeing this one, but it turns out that Russian vampire flicks have a sort of magnetic pull. I simply could not resist.

Even though it was at the Civic – which has the nastiest seating in the city (yes, it’s even worse than the seating in the Skycity Theatre). Speaking of the seating, I had fabulous luck considering I was a walk up – dead centre, 7 rows back. Just about perfect, all things considered. It didn’t hurt that the girl sitting next to me smelled fabulous, either.

Day watch is the second part of a trilogy – though I haven’t actually seen the first.

Now, one thing to point out, the imdb plot keywords are: Chalk / Shower Scene / Fight / Severed Foot / Falsely Accused. I hope this tells you something.

Which are strangely accurate. But there’s also more to it than you might think… You see, the shower scene isn’t just any old shower stall sexytime. No no, this is a steamy lesbian romp done in fine Russian style. Not only are they not really lesbian – one of the chicks involved is actually a man who has had his body switched, you see – but they find themselves magically transported from the bathroom to a spot beneath a secluded tropical waterfall. (I wish my bathroom did that.)

Oh, also the chalk is the chalk of fate.

This movie is… Let me get a run up at this…

AWESOME.

Not only do we get mongol hordes somersaulting out of… ravens… just in time to… be hacked apart. Or movie posters being used as teleporters, or even vampires (or something) flitting around as mosquitoes, but we also get a hot red Toyota being driven awesomely fast along the wall of a building, but we also get… Well, lots of fighting. And the aforementioned steamy showertime fun. And a fleet of big rusty yellow soviet era trucks fitted out with nitrous and the power to … well I don’t want to give out any spoilers here. But let’s just say that I didn’t quite expect the truck to do that. Too bad they didn’t put airbags in though, huh?

I’m not going to go into too much detail about the plot, it’s light versus dark, dark guy trying to frame light guy and start a war to end all wars, all muddled up with family drama and a fair bit of snow soccer. So let’s just skip all that and I’ll just say: this movie is weird, and fabulous, and messy, and full of surprisingly good CG.

Oh, and the best use of subtitles EVAR. (Watch it and you’ll understand. They do what they say. I think the last time I saw anything like this – though less so – was maybe in Smokin’ Aces?) Captioning folk will be sure to like it. (I know there are at least couple of you reading my stuff! Fess up!)

If you don’t mind reading your movies, go see it. If you do mind reading your movies you’re a complete tool and should go drown yourself now, you God damned cretin.

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